Mom says it's my turn with the Alastor

[sugaronthecream]

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[sugaronthecream]

"I've never initiated anything untoward with Mimzy, if that is your implication," Alastor's lip curled in his grin. "It's to be expected. Women always seek out a man they know they're safe from in a time of crisis. It wasn't any different when we were alive and I made sure she made it home after dark."

Alastor pauses at the stairs, exhaling through his nose.

"I suppose the remaining floors have curtains just as hideous as this floor had?"

[youknowwhothisis]

He idly reached for and turned the gold ring about his finger. Alastor, that just sounds like she used you.

...

The question was a breath of fresh air, keeping him from drawing any connections and pulling himself down again.

"Oh, no. This is the only floor I'd gotten done before you popped up."

A beat.

Then he raced up the stairs to the next floor with a snicker, wings unfurling. He'll beat you to these rooms, you giant bastard!

[sugaronthecream]

No you don't. Alastor hisses, melting into shadow to slide through the walls and up directly to the next floor, manifesting at the top of the stairs to cut Lucifer off.

"You will NOT."

[youknowwhothisis]

Poof! What was a short fallen angel was now a snake slithering right around those spindly legs of Alastor's, moving past to approach the first room.

"I think I will!"

[sugaronthecream]

He dropped a piano on you, old man, there is nothing stopping him from STOMPING with full force on that tail.

"Do you have any idea how many cottonmouths I beheaded with shovels??" he sneered.

[youknowwhothisis]

A hiss as his tail was stomped, but he turned back with a fangy grin.

"Unfortunately for you, I am ssssuitably hydrated!" And poof! With that dad joke out of the way, he changed into a goat and pranced his way away. He even had helpful boingy-boingy-boingy noises to help him along.

[sugaronthecream]

Fine. That was amusing. But Alastor isn't about to be beaten that easily.

Swapping out his microphone stand for a shepherd's crook, Alastor took a few bounds before looping and hooking those new horns, giving a good tug to pull Lucifer back.

"Ah ah ah. Haven't got my goat yet."

[youknowwhothisis]

"Gackk!" Oof, rough on the neck there, buddy! He tried to wrench his head free, but wasn't making a go of it.

Instead, another poof! He somersaulted onto the floor as a rooster now, but got up and scampered to put some distance between him and the other demon.

"Not done crossing roads yet! You can cluck off, bellhop!"

[sugaronthecream]

Oh, isn't this nostalgic! Alastor doesn't have a transformation, but his long prancing gait gives him all the advantage he needs to keep up.

"Don't get too cocky now!"

[youknowwhothisis]

"Too much, huh...? Then perhaps I'll buck up!"

Poof! A fine white stag with golden antlers, a bow tie and a fancy top hat pranced his way into the first room with a dismissive little flick of his little deer tail.

Bland, tiring curtains... BE CHANGED! Gain the finest in appearances, with the motif of the finest apple tree across the surface that would split in the middle once any guest would open the way to Hell's passable red moonlight in Pride.

[sugaronthecream]

It's not even about the curtains, now - he would've accepted an apple tree just fine. No, now it was about the contest.

With a snap of his fingers, Alastor shifted the imagery of the tree, rearranging the trunk into the skull of a deer with reaching, branching antlers.

"There we are! Branching away from the relentless fruits."

[youknowwhothisis]

"You would stick your face on everything, wouldn't you, Bambi?" A stomp of a hoof, and an apple was clutched in the skull's jaw.

"You know what they say, an apple a day keeps the doctor away! You should try something other than raw meat sometime."

He turned and scampered off to the next room. He liked this form! No wonder Alastor was up his own ass about things. Deer were pret-ty great.

[sugaronthecream]

Honestly, more than anything, Alastor's mouth is watering... he slides through shadows to the next room that Lucifer picks, appearing in front of the curtains.

"Ah, such nostalgia, if only I had my old hunting rifle. The taste of venison really does bring one to simpler times."

[youknowwhothisis]

He skidded to a stop, but crossed one leg over the other. He tipped his fine horned head, positively coquettish.

"Business before pleasure, Bambi. If you wanted a bite, you could just ask when we're not on the clock."

A tail flick. The curtain shuddered and changed, depicting a scene of many ducks swimming in an ornate, dreamy pond.

[sugaronthecream]

...Hmm. At least the ornate pond is fine. Alastor's only change here is to remove all but a pair of ducks.

"I'm not one for curtains that look like paintings, but I suspect not everyone will have properly refined taste."

[youknowwhothisis]

NOOOOO wait, okay, pair of ducks. Fine, he guessed. ...Okay, he lied. He added a few little fuzzy babies swimming to follow the parents. Quack quack.

"My thought is perhaps a change over the years. You know, themes for different holidays, even a little shift according to who stays in what room. A most personal experience to enhance comfort!"

[sugaronthecream]

"Ambitious. But guests staying here may want to personalize their space. Something simple is best," Alastor rebuffed, manifesting another set of curtains draped over his arm, this time in a simple red and gold pattern to match the hallway decor. "Surely your space can be where ducks reside?"

[youknowwhothisis]

He prodded him with his cane. "My space is precisely the way I want it! And ducks are the perfect icon for this place, you know! Doesn't anybody know the language of birds?"

He sighed, folded his arms.

"Ducks symbolize fresh starts. Abundance. Community. Family. By golly, why does everyone always poo-poo on the ducks, but never asks why I like ducks, huh!?"

[sugaronthecream]

"So do possums, cranes, peccaries, prairie dogs, coyotes, robins, eagles, cottontails, sheep, bees and ants!"

[youknowwhothisis]

As he listed off the animals, Lucifer had completed his change from a stag and was clutching his head, trying to keep his cool.

But maybe he was having a bad day. Maybe he was tired. Maybe all of those things, or he'd just never had a good day in centuries. Fucking hell, he needed a therapist.

"Okay, but I don't- I don't care about everyone else's concepts! They're fine! They're perfectly- perfectly serviceable denizens of the animal kingdom! But they don't- they're not-!"

He was hyperventilating a little. Give him a second. Then he brought up his hands for pause.

"Forget it. You know what? Nevermind. Do whatever you want."

[sugaronthecream]

The melancholia again. The way the man gives up after enough pushback. Hardly befitting of a king, but it makes entirely too much sense for an angel as downtrodden as Lucifer.

Lucifer was much more worthy of his title when rising to a challenge. Like just now, honestly.

"Well, well. Surrendered already. I suppose I can commend you for a sporting effort instead of relying on authority," he said snidely, taking a few steps closer to make sure he properly loomed over the King. "I'd thought it so out of character of Charlie to be so defeatist, but now I see where she gets it from."

[youknowwhothisis]

He paused, and his shoulders hitched. His mind lingered on the nights where the little girl would be scooped up out of his arms and wordlessly removed from his workshop.

Away from him.

Perhaps to keep something of him from rubbing off on her.

"...Do not bring her into this."

[sugaronthecream]

"She's the reason we're both here, chum," Alastor prodded Lucifer's chest with his mic, just a light push of goading. "They say once children are grown enough, it's their turn to teach their parents. Pay close attention."

[youknowwhothisis]

He snorted, and gave the mic a little flick to get it off of him. Alastor wasn't wrong- she'd instilled in him a hope he thought he'd abandoned decades ago- but he wasn't going to get the satisfaction of that acknowledgement.

"I am, at present, paying the utmost. But I won't stand here and let you put her down behind her back! If your problem's with me, by all means, go for it! I'm the most hated being in creation, as they all say! I can handle it! But she is what Hell needs. Has. Needed for a very long time."

He raised a finger and jabbed. "Not one of us here are worth so much as the spit it takes to wet the tongue to speak one ill word about her."

[sugaronthecream]

There's a loud radio-speaker POP at his chest getting jabbed, but nothing more - keep a straight face, after all. Smiles are useful tools.

"Oh hoh, MOST hated! An ostentatious title indeed, for someone who has been at worst neglectful of his kingdom - unless there are truly ghastly skeletons in your ancient closet to rival the acts that mere human souls have been befouling this place with."