divinetree | Mom says it's my turn with the Alastor

Hah hah hah! Alastor laughed at the mental image, entirely amused.

"Had you missed the spoon entirely? HAH! Imagine, the king choking on a finger bone - Charlie would bring down her wrath in an instant. What a comedic demise that would have been!"

He could imagine- after handling Adam and the angels, it's a finger bone in the throat that takes out the King of Hell.

But he manifested his tail to give Alastor a playful jab in the ribs.

"And just who neglected to bring that to my attention, hm? It is one of my many duties as a royal to ensure my etiquette never fails to hit a mark, you know."

"And make your mistake clear? No, no, you were already so bold to stir your tea," Alastor bat away the tail, though he was still thoroughly amused. "And Rosie had gone to such lengths to make your first meal palatable. Hilarious!"

Uh-huh. Get your laughs in, Bambi.

He gently clapped a hand to his forehead. "And how was I supposed to know we were a tasty bunch?? I don't know if I'd make a habit out of it or anything, but... it was surprisingly good, and I don't find myself with any regrets."

He looked ahead, but tipped his head. "...Of course, I'd like to keep that between us. Charlie... I'm not sure what she would make of it. Or Vaggie, for that matter."

"You'll be the King of Hell for all eternity, never to return to Heaven - redemption isn't something you're bothered with, so adopting and understanding the cultures of your people should suffice," Alastor rattled off easily. See, such a diplomatic reason!

"Neither will want to hear what you ate, rest assured. They won't be nosy."

"I should hope so. And oh no- I never want to see the likes of Heaven, or Sera or anyone else up there for as long as I exist. That much is certain! Pains in my ass!" He'd taken on a snappish tone by the end, there.

"They thought they'd imprisoned me down here as both jailer and inmate, but a fat lot of good that decision did! Hell's a massive mess, but... it's my mess. And I love a whole lot of creatures down here."

He sighed, smiled.

"...Wouldn't trade 'em for anything."

"See? Charlie would be thrilled to hear that from you," Alastor chuckled, gazing fondly at Lucifer. He'd gotten close to everyone in the Hotel, spent time with Charlie - it was only natural she started to break down his walls the way she could anyone else's.

"When you arrived you were stubbornly bitter towards them. Imagine how joyful her tears are going to be to hear you say something like this, instead."

That earned a quiet laugh. "I wasn't always bitter, you know! When it all first started, I was so angry at the concept of my own falling or... or failing to 'please' some specifics of Heaven that as the first Sinners fell, I wanted nothing more than to accommodate the humans as best as I could."

He reached up to loosen his bow tie. "Now it's... cleaning up a right mess I've made for a couple of centuries. The press conferences and interviews are annoying, but I suppose they deserve to have a few blows before I push back. I can only hope all those TV cameras don't have me putting on 20 pounds, am I right?"

"You needn't go on television at all, if you were to ask me. Nor would I tolerate any disrespect. Whatever you believe you owe Sinners you have begun to repay with your actions instead," Alastor curled his lip, bitter at the idea of being a public punching bag. A king most certainly shouldn't be one.

"No, no. You should make statements when you deem necessary. Release statements you deem important. The Sinners don't understand what is going on and don't yet value what matters most in Hell right now. Fuck them. When they get on board with making their eternal prison better, then they can have a say."

He smirked. "Your concern is touching, but make no mistake: I'm not letting them walk all over me. Not any more. I endure the appearances to remind them that I'm very much alive and well, that I have seen to Adam's demise, and my message is that I will no longer tolerate Heaven's sullying this world it never bothered to try and understand, let alone manage."

Then, a shrug. "Questions involving my personal life are off the table, of course. Let the tabloids starve. I like how they squirm, now that they've run dry of any fresh news from the night the angels arrived. You really should see them struggle sometime, if you can stomach television for but five minutes."

"I have a grand time with the printed tabloids, most certainly. The picturetube may be infuriatingly pervasive, but not all are unwise to its effects," Alastor huffed in amusement.

"Besides, I can always disseminate a little news with my own broadcast," he smirked - last he'd bothered, Vox hadn't been able to stop him from toying with him, then taking over the airwaves. Hah.

"You sure could, couldn't you?" He chuckled.

"Oh, what fun a broadcast of Adam's final moments would have been, too! Can you imagine? And of course he always has to bring up his genitalia in the last to boot... you really think a man could change in thousands of years, and yeeet..."

"And for all the mercy shown to him, his blowhard shouting got charming miss Niffty's attention! Absolutely perfect. One should never underestimate the little dear."

A chuckle!

"A firm reminder that women are not to be trifled with."

"Ain't that the truth! I wondered what it was that drew you to her, but she is positively scary beyond all reason. And now has Adam to add to her body count!"

A pause. "Was she another human you knew in life, or...?"

"Not at all! The little darlin' came down to Hell in the fifties! She was a twisted, perplexing little creature even back then," Alastor sighed with such clear fondness. "A delightfully insane young lady. And fearless to boot!"

Unlike Mimzy or the other residents of the Hotel, Alastor's fondness for Niffty is as clear as his fondness for Rosie - even with Niffty's blatantly unhinged nature, Alastor finds it easy to trust her and enjoy her presence.

Women could just be easier, like that. Though they could also be worse.

"As it stands, I believe Mimzy is all the company from New Orleans in the era that had made it down here. Hardly surprising - the radio station was full of good, honest folk."

It was clear just seeing them interact that there was a strong bond there. A bond of some form of insanity and being just so curious was a viable connection.

"Ever ponder what it'd be like to speak with any of your old colleagues at all? I do wonder if any of the Sinners and so-called 'Winners' share a desire to catch up, should such a thing be possible."

"No," Alastor answered without hesitation. "No, no, I'd much prefer they live in their peaceful afterlives with the impression of me they had before. None of them need to know the truth about the man who stalked the streets in the dead of the night and made people disappear."

He made a bit of a flourish with his hands to emphasize the last word. "The only ones who knew the truth about me in life all fell down here until I dispatched of the wretches a second and final time."

"Ah-hah, stealthy. I mean, there are no witnesses if they don't live to tell the tale!" He laughed.

"Me, I'm more the 'it was me and you won't forget it' type. Then again, that's why I'm down here and not up top, eh?"

"We're wretches truly deserving of our place here! Quite fine by me. It's fun to be the monster hunting monsters," Alastor smirked broadly, bloodlust practically radiating off of him. "Ah, but the good times do come to an end. Only ne'er-do-wells that threaten the Hotel are on the menu, these days. Can't be getting distracted, now."

"Ohh, but a beast can fantasize...! I've relived the look on Adam's face and rearranging it like bad ground hamburger on a number of occasions. After the Garden, after dealing with the Embassy meetings, woof..." He fanned himself a little.

"I hadn't been able to cut loose like that in far too long! Maybe I should sport the horns, let the tail loose for a while. Let it be a lit-tle reminder."

"Oh, it feels so good. A reminder to all of your might, and your menace," Alastor agreed with a staticky growl. Being frightening was delightful, being feared and respected for the awe of your might is without compare.

"Never let the masses assume they can make a fool of you ever again."

Oh, that. That was. ...Uhm. There's a tingle up his back from that growl, one that- rather than be a dash of cold water- instead added further kindling to a fire in his belly.

"I hear tell of your many talents in the menacing regard. I recall your show outside the Hotel against those loan sharks, but do feel free to regale me with tales of your finest theatrics."

By all means, Alastor, talk about yourself. This is such a nice outing.

"Weeeell... I like my work to speak for itself, but since you had missed my radio show..." Alastor hummed, his voice slightly peaking its 'speaker'. It certainly added eerieness - as did Alastor's malicious aura making him look even more emaciated, growing out his antlers.

"My debut in Hell, once I had properly constructed a tower from which to broadcast... was in collecting voices. The process is quite easy, not at all different than in life.

"One picks a target, and simply observes. Through shadows, through any communications they used over radio waves, I learned who they were and what they had done. And Overlords are no less competent or confident than a sad man that strikes his wife, or a murderer of children... they think it's safe to walk alone at night.

"Of course, unlike in life, no one learns a lesson if scum simply disappears into the bayou, into the bellies of alligators. No, no. Hell is full of wretches. Those Overlords could serve better than being devoured unceremoniously on the streets. Names that had recognition, names that had caused terror for untold centuries relatively unchallenged... I brought them to the broadcasting station, gave Hell a kind introduction to who our guest of the day was, and started to eat them. Bound by shadows, drained of power, their screams echoed through all of Hell through the radio waves as I ate them piece by piece, keeping them awake and begging for their pathetic existence as I tore their souls into utter shreds and left not a single bite of them behind to regenerate from."

He could hear it now, the jaunty voice, the dance of ragtime in the background as the other voice swore and protested. Then that voice would change the moment they realized there was nothing they could do.

It was about sending a message.

The King applauded... well, as best as he could with his arms full.

"Oohoohoo~ Any you look back on and wonder if maaaybe you could have added a little more sugar on the cream?"

"Oh, aren't there always? A few that had blacked out... I should have forced them back awake, but I'd gotten impatient, or over excited. I should have savored every possible second of their suffering. Every one of those that completely broke under my knife and fork, begging for their Creator as if he would ever save them..."

Alastor chuckled, his voice dropped deeper, his smile impossibly wide.

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