divinetree | Charlie & Vox

...Thanks?

That surprised her almost as much as the muffled, nearly-inaudible comment about being close that she nearly missed. He thanked her?

...

"Well... sorry, but I need to make sure you promise. And make that Deal. You... hurt a lot of people, really badly. So I need to make sure."

So for now, she's going to make a writeup. That ought to work well enough... he can verbally consent, and that ought to be just fine.

"Then I'll go talk to Alastor and make sure he knows that I won't stand for him hurting you while you're a guest."

The sigh was long and loud.

"...What do you want me to even do? You either fondle me or, what, make me super duper promise not to nuke the place or something? Lady-- LOOK AT ME. What the fuck can I even DO right now??"

Edited 2026-02-01 22:02 (UTC)

"Hold your hellhorses...!" Charlie chided, giving the top pillow a THWAP.

But it was still a pillow, so it didn't do anything to him.

"I'm coming up with a written agreement you can verbally consent to and... I dunno, I'll have you hold a pen in your mouth or something. And I didn't fondle you, eww, don't say it like that! I thought I was shaking a bunny ear or something..."

The thwap earned a sputter as he got a mouthful of pillow. When your face was 80% mouth, there wasn't much else of a place for it to go, you know...?

He spat. ...Well, damn it, he COULD hold a pen in his mouth. Really, he'd prefer just having hands again, you stingy ASS--

"A bunny ear. I've got my whole shark thing going, and your first thought is 'rabbit'? That's defamation! And you DID fondle!"

He wiggled out from under the pillow and made his smarmiest little grin. Fine. He can just be a weaponized annoyance. She doesn't do well under pressure, but what of teasing?? "You... man-handled me, Princess. Dear god- Was it the black suit...?"

"Wha-- hey! No, no-- you are not gonna paint me as some kind of creep, okay?? I didn't bring up any of your weird things you did!" Charlie insisted, picking up one of the tiny pillows and playfully swatting at the screen, no force whatsoever behind it. "I don't appreciate that, mister!! And they aren't really that sharky, in my defense, they're all... bouncy and springy and they have the cute little baubles on the ends, so something cute like a bunny or a ladybug was what I thought!!"

The swat netted a brief tone of the Emergency Broadcast System, but he was back to laughing. Now THAT was interesting, like her flare-up on the roof when her little Danny Do-Bad (seriously, the fuck??) skit went awry.

"My cute little baubles help me navigate the airwaves with a fierce and powerful efficiency! ...And my body is sharkier: I have- well, had- gills and I was working on a tail with fins!"

A sigh, and his eyes closed. "...It would have been amazing."

...You know, despite herself, she gives him a little laugh as she returned to typing up bullet points.

"Sharks are your favorite animal, huh... were they your favorite on Earth, too?" she asked, kind of amused. "I think they can be pretty neat, I gotta admit! I got to pet a nurse shark when I visited Heaven. She was really cute."

"Hah! Bullshit! Those fuddy-duddies up top would sooner shit themselves than go anywhere NEAR a shark. ...But I guess if they were to pick a particular type, nurse sharks aren't the worst ones to pick. Cat sharks, definitely."

He stuck out his tongue in focus, moved an antennae, and created a small hologram before flicking it out to grow into a sizable screen. Upon it was some sort of television montage of swimming beasties.

"And uh, yeah?? I'm the reason Shark Week exists! Sure, I died about eighty years ago, but they finally realized the idea just works and throw it on TV every summer for almost 40 years now! Some treat it like a religious event, and to that I say you're welcome."

"They did!! She was in the tank with the horseshoe crabs, a few rays, one of the octopuses... octopi... octo... uh. Yeah!" Charlie laughed. "That zoo was incredible!! I got to see all the fuzzy and cool earth animals - even the ones that were predators on earth were cozy and happy and safe. The courtroom sucked, but the petting zoo? Ah. mazing."

Charlie laughed in delight at the memory. Heaven was a lot, but who could really be angry at animals?

"Oh! I bet you were excited to run the special on Greed and Envy's sharks too. And the shark hellborn!"

"'Octopuses'. The linguists bitched and we lost 'pi'," he noted before he could stop himself, but rolled his eyes nevertheless. Heaven has petting zoos, because of course they did. He remembered seeing a fucking ball pit in one of the video feeds. They really do just treat them like children up there, huh...?

But she seemed to be thrilled about it. Guess it was nice to get out of Hell for a while for her. Must be nice.

"Three specials originally. Three hours in length each. Got some complaints, so I had to whittle it down for runtime... fucking killjoys."

After a little laugh, Charlie looked at him. He really still had to make compromises, make things work, and all that... normal business stuff. Vox always made it seem like he got exactly what he wanted, so hearing the casual gripe was kind of... funny? Refreshing?? Something, at least.

"Well, I dunno, maybe having a focused special once a year would make sense?" Charlie shrugged. "I can tell uncle Mammon and aunt-cle Levi that you really like the sharks in hell, too. From what I remember, the non-sapient ones are really, really old for the seas."

"It's not that big of a deal. Pretty sure the Sins have better things to do than give a shit about a Sinner. Your dad's been proof positive about that for ages." He hopped to reposition himself, and thanks to the springiness of the bed, it loaned to the ease of his movement.

"We got sharks on earth that are over 500 years old. I can imagine hellsharks being significantly older. The study of hell's wildlife was... lacking when I fell down here, and that's half of why I started my biological R&D department, got guys like Baxter on the case."

"Well... a lot of research and libraries and stuff like that isn't in Pride, that's true. And probably hasn't been put online."

He really, really liked sharks...

"But the Ars Goetia are a lot of our lore and knowledge keepers, and I'm sure there's research in Envy itself. Maybe if you're here for a while, and you get along alright... I can see if I can bring some of those books up to our library in here for you."

His donut house, Charlie. No- This is his donut castle.

But right, the birds. They tended to keep to themselves and the rest of native society as a rung above Sinners and just below the Sins. He can't say he really tried to speak with them outside of business matters if he perked any of their ears, but he'd imagine they wouldn't be too keen on coughing up any of their knowledge. He didn't see any competition from them, anyway, save for the occasional unit during Hell's Fair.

"Hmm." Just an acknowledgement. For all he knew, Valentino would get lonely and come get him. Or Alastor would decide, nah, and come and kill him. There's a whole lot of 'ifs' out there.

He sighed quietly. "...Alright. Let's see what you've got for whatever you're writing so far."

"Right - so long as you're a guest here in the Hotel, you'll get treated and protected like one. No physical fights are allowed in the Hotel - not even play-fights, we learned that one the hard way..."

She turned her phone so he could read along, scrolling through her general notes app.

"You will not be allowed to hypnotize anyone. You won't be allowed to talk about anyone's position at work, especially if they worked for you or still do or... however that works."

Is... he... still in control of his things...? ...Well, just in case, she didn't want him using that leverage over the other guests.

"Actually, I'll make sure that's clearer... no... using... anything that happens in the Hotel... to treat people in your employment differently...!"

He quirked a brow. The hypnotism made sense, but he couldn't help himself with the little smirk.

"...Oof, not even to treat them better after the Hotel brings me a level of enlightenment...? Weeell, if you say so...!" He did have to wonder if any of his (old) employees were here. Honestly? He didn't care, but let's call it curiosity.

"Okay- what about pets? There's no way in Hell I'd let Val keep my baby- he always feeds Shokky trash and he feels so SLUGGISH afterward..."

"Pets are fine! Let's see... Shokky was the big flying shark you had, right? The one Alastor was fighting... well, he's a little big to fit inside anywhere but the lobby, but maybe I can get my dad to help make a space outside for him to be cozy in. Does he still swim in water most of the time...?"

Wait-- don't get distracted by that yet.

"And obviously we make sure that our pets don't bite other guests! How smart is Shokky? Do you think he's well trained enough to know not to bite anyone?"

"Shok.wav is amphibious. He can go wherever he wants! It was one of my specifications during the initial planning stages of his creation."

The question just earned a mock, incredulous scoff. "How smart is Shokky... ma'am, my demon shark is the SHARPEST, biggest and most perfect baby boy in the world, and would only hurt a fly if I told him to."

He paused, scrunched his face in thought. "...Oh, but he leans... Ahh, but I'm sure nobody minds a little death by getting squashed by a big lovebug, huh?"

"Well, hopefully he can learn to be gentle! And to not eat other pets or people. We had to make sure Fat Nuggets didn't eat Keekee, that was a whole trial..."

The fauna of hell, right?

"He seems like a really good boy. He's pretty charming, with a big toothy smile!" she laughed, a little fondly. "If you get to see him again, we'll make sure he's comfortable and gets plenty of the food he needs. It'll be your responsibility to make sure he doesn't hurt anyone. That's fair, right?"

"If nobody hurts me, then his defensive systems won't kick in," he noted matter-of-factly. "...I've had him since he was a pup as big as my screen. I know him best."

He turned, and hopped to get a better look at what'd been sitting on his peripherals. He quietly examined what else had been left in the basket.

"So no hypnosis, no... using their client status in the Hotel to treat any employees differently, no physical fighting... no play fighting, says the woman who assaulted me with a pillow..."

"I have to get some kind of princess privileges," she joked, looking over the list again. Hmm...

"...And I want you to try and change to be a better person."

"...Eugh." The immediate response. "It's not enough that I'm not trying to bite or shock you right now, huh? Because I still could."

He's not about to be a care bear and 'hear my hope' with you. Everything sucks. Everything is terrible. Just kill him, please.

"It's not that bad. Just... try. I'm not going to write down any goals or anything, just... try."

Yeah. She wants to put that in the agreement. If he stays here, he... should make efforts to be a better person.

"And I'll see if I can figure out how to make Alastor promise not to bully you, either."

"...You realize telling him not to do something will only make him want to do it more? The man's a fucking brat. It's a brat thing. I'll just... fucking ignore him. I'm done."

The lines grew around his eyes. "I'm so... so fucking tired."

"Ignoring him is probably a good idea..." Charlie agreed, frowning a little at Vox. He seemed so... deflated. There was almost none of that swagger and confidence that was so intimidating and compelling before... he'd stared angels in the face and threatened war.

Well... at least this was for the best.

"Say... why did you decide to work with other demons? Why'd you try to rally everyone, like... like my mom did?"

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