Mom says it's my turn with the Alastor

[sugaronthecream]

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[youknowwhothisis]

What an odd thing to note. A brow furrowed, he gripped his hand a little tighter. "...Wwwhat do you mean...?"

[sugaronthecream]

"Mmm. It may be coming up soon. I'll have to arrange for someone to manage my duties."

Sigh.

"Some years it's a rut. Some it's a heat. Either way, it is humiliating."

[youknowwhothisis]

He waited for the laugh, the punchline. Neither happened.

"Oh."

Color him curious, though. But he cleared his throat quietly. "I'm, ah. Sorry. I can arrange coverage."

[sugaronthecream]

"It should be fine. Just a matter of needing to assure Charlie that nothing's wrong. Nor am I up to anything nefarious."

...

"Though perhaps it's preferable if she thinks I've slinked off to commit evil, cannibalistic deeds."

Much preferred to Charlie knowing that he's completely sexually frustrated and out of his mind for a while.

"The pains one must take to be taken seriously even when suffering through physical bodies."

[youknowwhothisis]

He tried a smile. "Ha... I think the latter might be better. If things are too quiet with you around, it's far more cause for concern than knowing you're out having yourself a 'picnic'."

But knowing where Alastor stood on that particular spectrum, Lucifer couldn't help but worry a little. Humiliation was probably his attempt to put it lightly.

He lifted their linked hands and pressed a kiss to the knuckles. "...Days that make you wish you were just a bunch of fog for a while instead of an annoying solid."

[sugaronthecream]

"And even then, when you return to the physical, you've merely put everything on pause. It's quite vexing," Alastor hummed, voice softening at the kiss as he leaned a bit closer. "You're not so special that I don't know your aching pride~"

[youknowwhothisis]

"It's always been my greatest sin. So we keep off about my chicken wings, and I won't bat an eyelash when you start bashing your antlers against walls or something."

Because whatever could be the matter of a little thing like rut, anyway? There were no other deer for more than a few miles.

[sugaronthecream]

Alastor's initial reply is a displeased, honking "Hmmm".

There was a moment to measure just how much he was going to share, but... knowing how deer work... there was a good chance he'd react to Lucifer's smell if he wasn't cautious.

Far less embarrassing to head this off at the pass, then.

"Doe will entice bucks to chase, usually for miles. I tend to lock myself away lest some filthy minded demon seeks to take advantage of the moment."

[youknowwhothisis]

"Soooo what you're saying is that I might need to fight off some bastards that come sniffing?"

The point was completely lost.

"S'been long enough since I've rolled up my sleeves and given someone a piece of my mind. Back, you jackals! That's all mine!"

[sugaronthecream]

Oh, but that's cute. Alastor's grin widened, and he leaned over the counter, resting his chin on his hand flirtatiously.

"You'll defend my honor~? Squash a few vermin to stake your claim? Never let it be said you aren't charming~!"

[youknowwhothisis]

"Hmhm~" He set his glass aside.

"None will remain!" He released Alastor's hand only to hike himself upon the bar completely, scoot himself forward. He could have leaned as well, but damn it, when everyone was a thousand feet tall he had to make do...!

"They will be crushed in your name, a final death for the insult! And at the end of the day, when all is quiet and you've endured the way your body betrays you... you will have a much-needed little snack." How dare this Sinner be so cute, chin in hand like this? He reached for and framed his face with both hands, gently angled it up.

"I'll bring you a silver platter, a selection of your would-be suitor's hearts. Little would they know they would get what they desired: Being near you... just not in the way that they'd hoped~"

[sugaronthecream]

Oh, the theatrics of it all! It made Alastor's shriveled old heart putter happily. His pallid tone warmed with a blush as he nuzzled into Lucifer's hands, ears relaxing backwards as he leaned into the affections.

"All of those desperate fools wanting to be inside me, and only you would get that wish in the way they'd even hoped~" Alastor crooned, resting a hand over one of the ones on his cheeks.

[youknowwhothisis]

He couldn't mask the way his breath quietly caught, the small swallow if he tried. Talk like that just does things to a guy.

He tipped his head and brushed his lips against a corner of that ever-present grin. "...If that is your wish when the time comes, then I'd be happy to soothe your ache, cher..."

[sugaronthecream]

Oh, he'd have it no other way, Lucifer... though he does lightly chuckle. "Though if it's a rut? Hoh, hoh. I hope you're quite ready to be hunted down like prey~"

[youknowwhothisis]

He snorted a bit. "Heh- I think I've been compared to food enough that I can handle a little hunting. Though, you'll be alright compared to heat, huh? Fewer weirdos if you're the one pursuing, as you're the one shooting your shot."

[sugaronthecream]

Crackle, pop. Alastor's face distorted in displeasure.

"There's some that would be all too pleased to try and lure me in."

[youknowwhothisis]

"Eugh, well. That scans." Aw, don't make that face. That's a double-smooch, one for each cheek.

"So, what, same strategy then? I suppose this building being pretty far from the rest of the city works in favor- you could see them coming up the hill... Hmmm."

[sugaronthecream]

It's placating at least! "I go as deep into my bayou as possible, as far from any electronics as possible, and wait until my body ceases its feral screaming urge to make fawns. Such is my penance for my Sins, I suppose."

[youknowwhothisis]

He gave one last stroke against his hairline before his hands withdrew. He went for the old criss-cross applesauce on the bar top and eased his elbows against his knees.

"Weeell, don't cease any feral screaming urges on my account." He gave Alastor a nudge.

But as he idled, he reached down to the countertop, he tapped three claws against the surface. In their wake were tiny golden lights that shaped into tiny bouncing fawns chasing each other. One tripped, all legs, but quickly stood and shook off. It had meant to do that.

"...You'd make some fluffy little monsters, though."

[sugaronthecream]

Alastor snorted a little in amusement, swirling his glass and taking a cooling sip of his drink as he watched the charming little golden figures frolicking about.

"Oh, I'm sure you'd like that," he hummed in amusement over the rim. "Having a fawn to call your own, foisted on you. Why, Charlie would hang my antlers, I'm sure."

[youknowwhothisis]

"...Why would she-?"

He sat up straight. Oh. ...Oh.

He absently wound his arms around his middle. "I- that's-"

But he narrowed his eyes, and raised a finger at him. "Wait, 'foisted'? You said 'foisted'. Don't gimme that 'I'm not worth it' bullshit, we've been over this."

[sugaronthecream]

If Alastor were more transparent, he'd probably wheeze the way Lucifer always does. Instead, he just laughs - that sort of high strung laugh he gives when he's either covering an emotion or watching Niffty put on a roach puppet show.

Seeing Lucifer's arms curl around himself, though, that's...

"Honestly! I may have learned a bit of midwifery in my living years, but this isn't the sort of soothing face a child could find comfort in!"

[youknowwhothisis]

"What, and mine is? Please. Your face is fine, Bambi." He waved dismissively.

With a shrug, he added, "I mean, did you ever... want to?"

[sugaronthecream]

"Did I ever want to become a father...?"

What a question. He doesn't have an answer - for a moment, he folds his hands in thought, tapping his thumbs together. Hmm.

"Mother would talk about seeing a grand-baby. But it never came to mind, not really - not since I followed a man locked out of his home by his wife and slit his throat."

Because in what world could a serial killer and cannibal be a good parent? Hell was different, but a Sinner's curse took it off the table in a different way.

"Or if you mean if I'd considered taking in a little Hellborn. No, I'm afraid I never did - the little creatures would have only ended up slaughtered by my envious rivals. Taking in orphans is far more Rosie's business, since she's far more established."

[youknowwhothisis]

The repeat had him squirm a bit in his seat, realizing that maybe it was a really personal question, something to laugh off. But when Alastor answered, truly answered rather than brushing it off, Lucifer stared at him in momentary surprise.

Soon he had taken his own glass with his tail and returned it to hand. The man locked out... was that his first victim, the beginning of a chain of choices that led him down here? And where was his mother, anyway?

He nodded against the rim of his glass with talk of rivals. "Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense."

Drumming his fingers against the crystal, he hitched his shoulders. "I worried about that, too. But Lily was... so sure. She always had it together, thrived as a ruler of Hell and the responsibilities. Did people try to make attempts against Charlie? Oh yeah. Definitely. There's always a Sinner or an Overlord making plans to whack me or her."

He shut his eyes tight, feeling a mote of misery in his heart. "But I don't regret her, or the decision made to have her. But I wish I was able to be there throughout all parts of her life where she must have needed me, rather than only recently."

She must have needed him at some point, right? But most times, all he could think of and wonder was if Lilith had ever told Charlie anything that... that made it harder to do so.

Lucifer shook his head to clear it and drained his glass, let the bourbon burn as he 'chewed' it before swallowing it down.

"...I suppose my point is that, even if there's that risk... parenthood's never been a safe and tidy bubble for anybody anyway. If a fuck-up like me can have that... that amazing, funny ball of starshine in my wretched life, then..."